So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
