I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
