yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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