I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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