I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
