Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
