Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up under a house in Key West
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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