she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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