reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
