omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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