And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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