glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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