his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
time to smoke my breakfast
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
