it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize