I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
