I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
