He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
