You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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