Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
