if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
smell my finger.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
