Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
