Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
