Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
