Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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