Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
