sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
