You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
