The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
