I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
