Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
