I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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