don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
