is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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