i think i have herpe
just one?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
