Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
