Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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