Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
His nipple licking is glorious
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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