So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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