Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
