I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
