Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
