Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize