we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I will be naked everywhere
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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