Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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