Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
