Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
