Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
