I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
