Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
