i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
don't judge my taste in strippers
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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