all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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