did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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