they need to just BURY HIM!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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