Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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