In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
