I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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