I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
