I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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