You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
