Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
