omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
