Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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