so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We are two peas in an std pod
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
