I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
