I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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