yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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