dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
