dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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