So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
