so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
