i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
