I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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