dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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