You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
