i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
