I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize