I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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