so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
handjob tips. give me some.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
