so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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